If there’s any time in life when we need to put ourselves first, it’s when going through a divorce. Suddenly, every element in life becomes unraveled, tangled into a seemingly hopeless web from the children to the job, family opinions, friends splitting sides, the lawyers, the seemingly endless paperwork, and court appearances, compromises, being uprooted, and the emotional roller coaster that seems to never end.

The experience will always be with you to some extent, but the sting will soften into a mere memory in your personal book of life. And if you take the time for thoughtful pondering, meditation, or prayer you will see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

Humans are programmed to withstand and overcome horrendous experiences. Just think about the people who have overcome drug addiction, sexual abuse, poverty, and the folks who beat the odds of cancer or other terminal illnesses. Lance Armstrong, for example, became diagnosed with cancer and it never stopped his winning attitude. The Kennedy’s have been plagued with one trial after another, yet they seem to be able to overcome anything. Many people have come from abject poverty to success with their talents.

There have been oodles of books written about being a success in life. The common denominator of folks who win over impossible odds and achieve their dreams is determination in what they set out to do and a strong belief in themselves.

Believing that you can overcome the exquisite pain that divorce can cause is paramount to being able to progress with your life, especially during a divorce when friends and family will likely tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing. Of course, they mean well. Listen to their ideas politely, but relying on your own wisdom and common sense will increase a sense of belief in yourself with big rewards. Depending on others for the right thing to do is like throwing yourself into a hurricane and hoping for the best.

All of us have the ability to learn to make our own decisions without doubting ourselves and fretting if we are doing the right thing. Sure, we all make mistakes. That’s also okay. After all, we’re only human.

The first step to a healthy sense of self-belief is to rid your mind of all the noise in there. Take a few moments each day to go to a quiet place, be it a room in your house, the park, go for a walk, and ponder or meditate about where you are. Making a list is important so you don’t forget. Think of all the good things you have done so far in your life, your achievements, and the goals you have attained. It feels good to remember the people we have helped, the day of college graduation (a profound achievement!), your healthy children, the garden you planted that provided a great season of vegetables or flowers, the awards won at work, etc. It does not matter how small or tremendous your achievements were. All of them have counted to make you the person you are today. Revel in the feelings these thoughts bring you.

If you feel your life isn’t on target, then make goals and write them down. List where you want to be in a year or five. Resolve that this is the first day of the rest of your life, and sweet dreams will become reality. All you have to do is believe.

Take the time every single day, even for a few minutes, and appreciate what you have accomplished, the positive attributes that you who are, and look forward with hope and determination that the pain and confusion during the time of divorce will fade, and the rest of your days on this earth are yours to dream, believe, and make good things happen.