June 4, 2008

Divorce has often been spelled D-E-A-T-H, or F-A-T-A-L, and has been described as feeling like the absolute end of the world.  Upon hearing the news that you are getting a divorce, people get that long face and say, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Although I’ve seen a few spouses smile like pure sunshine and remark, “Oh don’t be! I’m having a party! I’ll let you know,” bouncing away like a school girl/boy skipping down the sidewalk, the vast majority of divorcing people begin the normal grief process that comes with parting of the ways for good.

Marriage is considered one of the most important decisions we can make in life. As a rule, we expect to stay together for many years to come, settling down in a new home, maybe planning for a family, becoming stable in careers, and looking forward to basic happiness ever after.  But what if it doesn’t work out for you that way?

Well, I don’t think there’s any rule in America or in heaven that says people don’t change and circumstances always stays the same. Divorce is a legal way to be able to make a new life for ourselves by kissing the present marriage good-bye and getting on with life.
Sounds easy, doesn’t it?  All of us, who have been there and bought the T-shirt, only to find it didn’t fit, know that with divorce comes a process of emotional upheaval, mental anguish, and having to walk a seemingly endless road filled with sharp rocks and thorns. We stumble, fall, sometimes wallow around in the mud hole for a while, but eventually we get up again.
Divorce doesn’t have to be an ugly mark on your past that threatens to plague you for years. The importance of being objective and realizing that divorce is not an event, but a process that takes months or years to complete, allow yourself to become empowered with the strength that is within you.

Denial, anger, grief, and finally acceptance are normal and necessary. Give yourself permission to be human, and enough time to work through the emotional and mental processes